In high school, one of my favorite teachers of all time told us during a lecture that we should always pause and take note anytime an author uses the word “threshold.” He said that we ought to always take note in our minds because it denotes the precipice of a new age; it signifies a change in the winds- a significant turn of events.
In many ways in my life right now, I feel like my life is at one of those moments in literature. If I am the main character, and the Author is writing me in the story He has set out for me, I am currently at a “thresholds” moment. In my case, a chapter is clearly closing, no vague or ambiguous analogies to muddle through. I am leaving the beloved city of angels, plain and simple. However, I can’t shake the feeling that this is one of those moments in life where I need to pause, stop and ponder; really take note of what is going on around me… because it’s significant. The winds are changing, yes, and while I know in a broad sense where I am being led, there is so much to come that I cannot anticipate; only the Author knows where and what this road will lead me to.
To be honest, up until now, I never really anticipated a day when the Lord would take me back to the “Great Northwest.” I left Oregon when I was 18, and have not, but on rare occasion, taken much of a nostalgic look back. LA feels more like home to me than anywhere in Oregon ever really has.
Even growing up, I always felt somewhat like a fish out of water in the small-town life. I longed for the city. For busy streets, new smells, tastes, challenges. Little did I know just how busy the streets would be, or that the new smells would be the smell of perpetually smoggy skies, and the tastes would be the taste of chlorine that settles on the palate after drinking city water. However, even these things, as bizarre as it may seem, have somehow found a way to weasel their way into my heart in one way or another. I am absolutely a city girl to my core. And well, let’s be honest, LA has it all.
And even though the new challenges have been some of the craziest, wildest, stretching of any I could have ever imagined for myself, by the grace of God, I somehow found myself standing on the other side a stronger much more confident woman. So when the time came that the Lord started putting it on my heart to move back home (which believe me, I never thought He would manage to accomplish)… while it came as a surprise, and there is much heartache involved, I am finding myself so excited to step into this new journey with the Lord. See, one of the most frustrating and rewarding parts about walking with God, is that very rarely do you ever know definitively what His specific “will” for your life is. Sometimes you get a hunch that He wants you to do one thing, only to realize later that it was just bad pizza… and often times it feels like you are moving forward, only to end up back at the drawing board once again to reconvene with God. However, there are other moments in life when He stirs a notion deep in your spirit that really isn’t difficult to recognize at all, but it’s something you don’t want to hear, yet something impossible to shake. And in those moments, when it’s really difficult to accept, you shoot yourself in the foot by trying to convince yourself of all the reasons it must have just been bad pizza… But then of course the Master Maker in all His humor reminds you… “but my child, you don’t eat pizza…” And of course, as always, He is just patiently waiting for you to humble yourself, and be courageous, trust Him, and step out (and by you, I of course mean me… let’s be honest)
Friends, the moment I resolved to step out and take the plunge by finally crossing the threshold into my career advisors office to request a transfer to the Portland office, even though it took tears and a heavy heart, I walked out of his office to find an immediate and overwhelming flood of peace fell upon me. It was a peace I’d been searching for for quite some time now.
Sometimes the Lord doesn’t spell it out for us. Sometimes the road He wants us to take isn’t lit with runway lights to make our choice so obvious. Sometimes it’s just as simple as a subtle uneasiness in your gut… a subtle shift in the winds. But when you finally open your eyes, you realize you’re standing in a doorway… a threshold, right where you were supposed to be all along.