Fears, Blessings and Promises

I don’t know what has gotten into me in the last couple of weeks, the closer I get to the eminent and ever approaching move, the more I’m filled with anxiety and if I’m totally transparent with you, a little bitterness. Not bitter at any one or any thing in particular really, I don’t believe it’s directed at anything specific. It’s more realistically just a byproduct of my sadness. I’m always a little surprised to see the shock that crosses people’s faces when I tell them how much I love LA, how much I love doing my day-to-day life here, and how much I love calling it Home. Maybe I was the only one who dreamed of life in a big city growing up. But it seems like even those who live here don’t really enjoy or prefer it. I really don’t get it. And now that I’m leaving, it feels somewhat like the culmination of my dreams is about to come tumbling down around me. Okay, okay, that was a little melodramatic, I agree. But in all seriousness, I have achieved so much of what I always dreamed of, and now I’m leaving it all behind… that just seems, well, sad.


In the few weeks I have left in this city I instinctively call home, I am doing my best to take advantage of all the things I never really did while living here. So basically, I’m spending a lot of time at the beach. Not sure how I managed to bypass this simple pleasure so often, especially considering I live just miles from the the ocean. But there’s just something about the ocean and the beach and blue skies and nature in general that forces you to reflect. And I’ve been spending a lot of time under the sun (I have the sunburn to prove it) reflecting on my life and the impending transition that feels like it’s about to swallow me up. I feel like every cell in me is in perpetual dissonance- I have one foot in two places and the gap is widening. Makes me feel like I really just need to practice some intense yoga, breathe in calm, breathe out all the swarming chaos. Yet we all know that realisitically, it’s never quite this simple… instead, I have decided that I really need some goals. Life gets busy, and for whatever reason, it never really seems to slow down. So I’ve been spending some time brainstorming things that make me feel whole; make me feel like… me. And on top of that, I’ve been contemplating my desire to remain intentional regarding all the incredible relationships in my life currently, and ways I can continue to nurture those while still allowing my heart to move on and live fully present in my new surroundings. I really want to be intentional and thoughtful about my actions and how I invest my time and effort during this transition. And I need those in my life to help keep me accountable. So here is my Bucket List for Rainy Days… which is, every day as an Oregonian (this is by no means exhaustive, but it’s a start!):

In order to stay connected to LA family:

-Write 1 hand-written letter/post card a week to a friend back home (LA)

-Blog regularly… through my joys, frustrations & apathy alike

-Commit to visiting often. Especially for any special event

-Host friends (any and all) who ever pass through the Northwest

In order to live in the present (and maintain sanity):

-Get plugged into The Solid Rock  family. Volunteer/join a community group

-Develop a daily rythmn that is shaped by time spent in the word and in prayer 

-Say yes often/whenever possible to opportunities presented to branch out

-Find a hot yoga studio (or gym). Join. Go

-Have frequent slumber parties with my sisters. Get to know them again

-Go frequently to live concerts/shows

-Help my family explore the joys of city-dwelling by taking them on new/fun adventures

-Reach out to old friends and reconnect

-Get a bike and explore the city in a new and fresh way

-Learn public transportation, don’t always rely on my car

-Find a mentor

-Cook often. Explore new/healthy recipes- fully quit sugar! 

-Host frequent dinner parties. At least 1 a month.

In the name of Adventure:

-Take full advantage of the sunshine WHENEVER it’s out

-Go to the lake this summer at LEAST 5 times (bare minimum)

-Go camping (preferably at the lake)

-Learn a snow sport


Grace & Peace


One thought on “Fears, Blessings and Promises

  1. Pingback: A New Year: A Neglected Need « Mon Cheri' Amour

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